The Art of Dylan

The woman behind this letter would not be recognized by the lady I was five years ago. 

Before Five Years Ago, I experienced three versions of the Midwest.  I lived rural, semi urban, and super urban.  All three taught me many things, but never changed me. All three never set fourth obstacles that made me question my own way of thinking. I desired that, I wanted to be challenged.

Five Years ago, I moved to the wild wild West. I was challenged, and I changed. 

I traded Etnies and DCs for TOMS and mountain boots. 
I traded ant hills punishing you for sober forest skiing for voluptuous mountains that invited skiing in heavily wooded paths. Freely skiing above tree line, I’d feel so much smaller and insignifcant yet thankful for my place on Earth. My drunk self would get lost in the trees for hours; stuck in the fluff, having a picnic, or zooming left and right. 

I traded drive-in fast foods and lunches at bars for Brunches and going out to a nice bar for fancy drinks. I traded garage parties for EDM concerts and twerking clubs. 

I traded sundresses for skin tight dresses. I traded baggier clothes for clothes that hugged my figure. I traded barely putting any make-up on  to knowing what waxing is. I found out what it meant to do my eyebrows. 

I traded lake days for pool days. I traded nightly bonfires for weekends in the mountains. 

I traded all-inclusive resort style Mexico for a more cultural off the beaten path beautiful Mexico. 

I traded believing I dont see color for understanding I do see color, yet still not treating people of color any different in the matters of love and friendship. I realized my health and nursing books are racist. 

I traded bras for nipple covers. I traded thongs for no underwear. 

I traded believing I wanted a more simpler life for the notion of enjoying the more extragavant finer ways of life. 

I traded quality time with great friends for an exploration of aquaintance type friends.
I learned how all types of friends were good for me even if they turned out to be bad friends.
I learned how important it was to keep up with good friends despite distance and time differences. 

Unfortunately I learned in a city setting it’s harder to get to know anyone too deeply or even if you do it’s hard to find time for one another.  I realized people in a city setting are more lonely than those in rural settings. Sadly,  I also realized they grew up less free; less free to roam, less free to be out and about, less free to experiment and make fun happen with their imaginations. 

I traded a career-driven, sperm-bank to have babies, desiring to have a nanny mentality for the best partner a human being could ask for and the act of questioning my chosen career path. 

I traded the desire to first travel to Europe for history and Asia for spirtuality for traveling to Latin and South America and got both history and spirtuality. 

I traded slightly conservative views mixed with mostly social/liberal views to growing into more inbetween views. I’ve seen a lot of radicals on both sides; I’ve seen a lot of division. I traded feeding the division for feeding what makes us bond (formed by loving people collectively from all my travels).

I traded an unhealthy obsession with coffee into a curiosity for tea. 

I traded only watching my friends experiment to actually experimenting myself. I traded the fear that I would lose control with the confidence that I wont. 

I traded living life on the edge physicially, being a dare-devil, living as if I probably won’t die to having death scare me in my sky diving accident. I traded no fear for the understanding that human bodies are fragile and humans must think through dangerous acts.

I had an unending tranquility of knowing I lived my young life more than most 90yr olds, and I was at peace if my time were to come at a young age. I traded that in. I now want a legacy. I want to live for my husband until we are old, I want to explore that adventure until the last end of it’s pitter pattered ended rope, I want to help shape great little humans with him. 

I traded believing I love people so deeply due to my high level of empathy yet recognzing  that my empathy exhausts me and I do not enjoy being around people as much as I used to. I traded thinking I was extroverted for understanding I am introverted. 

I traded being a spit fire with a sharp tongue at people that didn’t deserve my explanation, to simply letting it lie for my own inner peace. I realized how important my own inner peace was. I realized that not all people can entertain different ideas that they may disagree with while maintaing a civil decorum, and well I realized it wasnt worth my energy field to engage in those conversations with those people.

I traded glasses and contacts for LASIK.

I traded days in the mud for days hiking in a cute outfit. 

I traded hunting by myself for the love of teaching my husband how to hunt. I traded desiring a buck of my own for wishing and hoping for a buck he can call his own. 

I traded whipping shitties in parking lots to screaming at Coloradoans who have no idea how to drive in the city in a snow storm. In the early am on the way to work, I’d still whip a fish tail here and there just to get the old adrenaline pumping. However, I traded smooth back road driving for stop & go, accelearte and harsh break, weaving and bobbing between lanes. 

I traded monthly massages for monthly accupuncture with an occasional massage. I traded free student yoga at a studio for free adult yoga in my home overlooking the city during dawn while my husband and dog sleep. 

I traded living like an only child to marrying a man that is the oldest of 10 siblings. 

I traded eating anything to becoming gluten free and slowly dairy free.

I traded thinking I was more bisexual than straight but realizing that I am definitely more straight, still on the spectrum but way closer to the straighter end of things. 

I traded thinking dressing girly and doing girly spa  things was weak for a much more deeper meaning of these girly ‘things’. I realized that girly clothes and girly acts make me feel confident, powerful, and strong. I realized I can still be super girly and still be a tomboy at the same time. I do not have to choose.

I traded craving wild crazy color hair for admiring my naturally red/blonde low/high-lighted hair. 

I traded smooth porceline skin for scars of skin cancer, more moles, and a story of tattoos. 

I went from thinking no man could handle my attitude and I deserved more respect than having to dumb down my opinions and pushy deep nature to instead finding and having a true partner. A true partner listens as much as he can, meets my attitude, does not back down nor run away, but works with me for a more smooth outcome, and expects the same back from me. 

Although I did not see it coming, I am proud of who I became. 
Although I am proud of who I was before, I am again proud of who I became. 

---

My city-dwelling husband fell in love with the rural rugged whole-hearted nature of where I grew up, and life has a funny way of working out. As we discussed and decided, we will be moving back to my home-town in the Midwest within 1.5 years from now. 

We have discussed many things regarding this from the home improvements we want both in the bones and interior designing to what we plan to do with ourselvese when we move there. 

Besides where we will live and what we will do, I have one more nagging question in my head. It is more along the lines of ‘who will I be’ when I am there. 

The question does not need to be answered. Just Recognized. I will not be the person that I was when I left. I have new eyes, and will see this place in a new way. I’m excited to find out about the future girl I will be in 5 years after coming full circle.